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We all know Riverdale is truly one of the wildest teen shows of all time. But the true art of Riverdale lies not in its plotlines, but its dialogue.
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^Cheryl Blossom, queen of nicknames.
Here are 28 lines we still cannot believe were actually uttered by Riverdale characters.
1.
When Archie tried to converse with his prison inmate.
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Sidenote: neither of these grown men are high school students, lol.
2.
When Betty unpacked being a serpent queen.
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3.
When Jughead used all of their ship names in this mind-boggling sentence.
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4.
When Veronica could not understand how Archie was breaking up with her.
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5.
When Fred very reasonably asked Archie why he was comfortable coming home when the reason he ran away was still a threat.
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6.
When Josie took her band name a little too literally.
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7.
When the show clearly couldn’t legally say Forbes.
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8.
When Archie said he wanted to “make his bones” for the billionth time.
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9.
When Cheryl went to Archie’s house.
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10.
When Jughead was just ~different~.
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11.
When the phrase that, like, hypnotized Betty was…this.
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12.
When Riverdale tried to tackle a very specific part of the pornographic industry.
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13.
When Cheryl told Toni how much she loved her in a unique way.
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14.
When Jughead was — in case you hadn’t noticed — weird.
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15.
When Alice found out Hal was a serial killer and the first thing she did was insult his serial killing.
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16.
When Veronica had a strangely specific threat.
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17.
When Ethel started “shipping” herself and Jughead because the Gargoyle King told her to, and Betty was not here for it.
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18.
When Alice and Polly told Betty she had something called “the serial killer genes.”
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19.
When Cheryl threatened her mom in the most overdramatic way possible.
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20.
Whenever any of the characters said “daddy,” but especially this moment.
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21.
When Elio said these two names with a straight face.
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22.
When Veronica took her cheer audition a little too seriously.
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23.
When Cheryl and Toni — two high schoolers — took a bonkers relationship step.
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24.
When Polly named her babies truly terrible names.
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25.
When Archie took a plea deal for a crime he didn’t commit because another trial would have been a hassle.
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26.
And finally, when Cheryl eloquently explained how she felt about Polly.
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Got any more? Let us know in the comments!
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