We all know Riverdale is truly one of the wildest teen shows of all time. But the true art of Riverdale lies not in its plotlines, but its dialogue.
Here are 28 lines we still cannot believe were actually uttered by Riverdale characters.
When Archie tried to converse with his prison inmate.
When Betty unpacked being a serpent queen.
When Jughead used all of their ship names in this mind-boggling sentence.
When Veronica could not understand how Archie was breaking up with her.
When Fred very reasonably asked Archie why he was comfortable coming home when the reason he ran away was still a threat.
When Josie took her band name a little too literally.
When the show clearly couldn’t legally say Forbes.
When Archie said he wanted to “make his bones” for the billionth time.
When Cheryl went to Archie’s house.
When Jughead was just ~different~.
When the phrase that, like, hypnotized Betty was…this.
When Riverdale tried to tackle a very specific part of the pornographic industry.
When Cheryl told Toni how much she loved her in a unique way.
When Jughead was — in case you hadn’t noticed — weird.
When Alice found out Hal was a serial killer and the first thing she did was insult his serial killing.
When Veronica had a strangely specific threat.
When Ethel started “shipping” herself and Jughead because the Gargoyle King told her to, and Betty was not here for it.
When Alice and Polly told Betty she had something called “the serial killer genes.”
When Cheryl threatened her mom in the most overdramatic way possible.
Whenever any of the characters said “daddy,” but especially this moment.
When Elio said these two names with a straight face.
When Veronica took her cheer audition a little too seriously.
When Cheryl and Toni — two high schoolers — took a bonkers relationship step.
When Polly named her babies truly terrible names.
When Archie took a plea deal for a crime he didn’t commit because another trial would have been a hassle.
And finally, when Cheryl eloquently explained how she felt about Polly.
Got any more? Let us know in the comments!