On Monday, Vanity Fair published the highly anticipated fourth instalment of their “Same Interview, One Year Later” series with Billie Eilish.
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As usual, the interview saw Billie asked the same questions as in 2017, 2018, and 2019 to see how her answers had changed, and she took some time to reflect on the rollercoaster that has been 2020.
Of course, Billie had some huge achievements this year, winning five Grammys in January, releasing several hit singles, and beginning a world tour — but it was all put on hold in March due to the coronavirus.
She admitted to Vanity Fair that her priorities have completely shifted since the beginning of the pandemic, but did reveal that before it hit, she had been dealing with an “identity crisis.”
“I think it was December,” Billie explained. “I did some radio show performance, and the entire show I felt like I was pretending to be Billie Eilish.”
“I completely wasn’t looking at myself as myself,” she went on. “I was just totally seeing it from not my own perspective, and it was so weird. It happened multiple times, at award shows and whatever. I just felt like a parody of myself.”
“I’ve felt a little bit better about lately,” she added.
“It’s just, you forget I’m literally 18,” Billie said. “It’s funny that I’m expected to have found myself, and stick with it.”
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“I’m trying different things out. I’m trying different ways of living, and styles, and personalities and hairstyles and clothing and shoes,” she explained. “I’m just trying it all out, because I’m a growing fucking girl.”
But Billie said she does have people to talk to, revealing that celebs like Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande, Katy Perry, and Lady Gaga had all reached out to her to offer their support.
“I’ve definitely had moments of reaching out to a couple of people, but every time I do it I kind of stop myself, because I’m like, ‘This is so weird,'” Billie admitted.
“It’s nice to hear from people who have gone through this and know what it’s like, and went through the shit of it and went through the amazing parts of it,” Billie said.
However, she went on: “It’s nice to hear, but at the same time, no matter how many people are there for you and have gone through similar things, nothing ever happens twice.”
Ultimately, though, Billie said she’s come to the conclusion that everything she’s been through is worth it.
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“It’s worth it, for sure,” she told Vanity Fair. “I would not change it for anything else. I can finally say that it’s worth it.”
