When he got to sit in a Big Boy Truck.
When he touched The Orb.
When he called Lil Pump “Little Pimp.”
When he marveled that “nobody knew that healthcare could be so complicated.”
When the German government released this photo of world leaders fed up with him.
When he addressed thousands of Boy Scouts with a rambling political speech about cocktail parties and rich people having sex on boats.
When he told scientists that they might kill the coronavirus by finding a way to inject people with light or disinfectants.
When he served college football players a fast-food feast during a government shutdown and posed for this photo.
When he speculated that anti–police brutality protesters were throwing bags of soup.
When he told a hurricane victim whose yard became the landing spot for someone’s unmoored yacht, “At least you got a nice boat out of the deal.”
When he met with people affected by mass shootings at schools and had a note reminding himself to say “I hear you.”
When he told reporters his coronavirus test came back “positively toward the negative.”
When he was hospitalized with COVID-19 and released photographs of himself working in which he appeared to be signing blank pieces of paper with a marker.
When he briefly left the hospital to hold a COVID parade and greet supporters.
When he met the lawn mower boy.
When he sat at the tiny desk.
When he hugged and kissed the flag.
When he said he was waiting for “EASY D.”
When he congratulated Russian President Vladimir Putin on his reelection despite being advised in a State Department memo, “DO NOT CONGRATULATE.”
When he tossed paper towels to hurricane victims like he was giving out T-shirts at a basketball game.
When he tweeted the word “covfefe” in the middle of the night.
When he said he met with the “Prince of Whales.”
When he walked in front of the Queen and she made this face.
When he said a hurricane was “one of the wettest we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of water.”
When he boarded Air Force One on a windy day.
When he feuded with the musical Hamilton.
When he feuded with Meryl Streep.
When he feuded with Robert De Niro.
When he feuded with Jay-Z.
When he feuded with LeBron James.
When he feuded with Meghan Markle.
When he feuded with the movie Parasite.
When he feuded with a literal child.
When he saluted a North Korean general.
When he bragged about his cognitive abilities by repeating the phrase “person, woman, man, camera, TV.”
When he made Mitt Romney pose for this surprise photo.
When he complained for years about the water pressure in toilets.
When he complained for years about windmills (falsely) killing birds, knocking out TV reception, and causing cancer.
When he had tape on his tie.
When he met with Kanye West.
When he met with Kanye West another time.
When he released a photo of himself pretending to write his inauguration speech.
When he lied *to the CIA* about the number of people at his inauguration.
When he apparently didn’t get the memo about not smiling in this picture with the pope.
When he talked about how he had bombed Syria while eating “the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen.”
When he didn’t seem to like a French military band’s cover of Daft Punk.
When he talked about “local milk people.”
When he said he met with the president of the Virgin Islands (which is him).
When he dumped his fish food.
When he did this handshake.
When he was thirsty.
When he asked a kid on Christmas Eve if they were “still a believer in Santa.”
When he took credit for no planes crashing.
When he said he was “like, really smart” and a “very stable genius.”
When he brushed dandruff off the French president’s shoulder in front of the global media.
When he said he was too busy to get his wife a birthday gift.
When he showed up late to a meeting on women’s empowerment.
When he showed Kim Jong Un a fake movie trailer starring the two of them bringing about world peace.
When he fell for a prank phone call.
When he played catch and looked genuinely happy.
When he played catch and looked genuinely unhappy.
When he boasted about his administration and the entire UN General Assembly laughed at him.
When he was asked what he was thankful for at Thanksgiving and he said himself.
When he got dunked on by a cathedral.
When he held a press conference on the coronavirus and touched seven people.
When he made a 69 joke (Nice).
When he said he would build a border wall in Colorado.
When he said the moon was part of Mars.
When he said we need to rake forests to prevent fires.
When he called Tim Cook “Tim Apple.”
When he needed help to walk down a ramp.
When the tan wasn’t quite right.
h/t Jules Suzdaltsev for the inspiration.