Why do we lure people in with a false agreement, before revealing our true answer: No.
Why do we go barefoot while driving, at the shops and at pretty much all venues — even if we’re nowhere near a beach?
Why do we strictly adhere to the seasons passing every three months?
Why do we insist on littering every fucking swear word under the sun throughout our goddamn sentences?
Why do we shorten every word that’s over two syllables long?
And yet lengthen every word that’s just a single syllable?
Why do we naturally have a vocal inflection that makes it sound as if everything we say is a question?
Why do we need to emphasise the fact that our tape is legit sticky?
Why do we pay hundreds of dollars to fly to Bali and sit on the beach, when we have the best beaches in the world on our doorstep?
Why do we go on and on about our undying love for this smelly yeast paste?
Why do we proudly eat the animal on our national emblem?
Why do we force ourselves, friends and visiting celebrities to drink from a shoe?
Why do we repeat “I reckon” so much? Just what are we reckoning?
Why do we never question our close proximity to these jacked-up marsupials that could knock us out cold?
Why do we unashamedly boast about our stunning weather year-round (because let’s face it, even our winters are still very mild)?
Why do we love beetroot so much?
Why do we pretend that Ts are pronounced as Ds?
Why do our most beloved things sound like they were named by pre-schoolers?
Why does our innate laziness extend to the car?
Why do we pretend to get excited for the uber-Americanised celebration known as Halloween?
Why do we insist on pretending that fairy bread is a delicious meal?
Why do we leave our sunny, coastal oasis in droves and head off to the UK for several years?
And finally, why do we make light of the fact that Australia is home to the world’s deadliest animals and insects?